I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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