What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
