My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize