i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
