what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize