Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Randomize
