i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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