He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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