I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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