Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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