considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
