There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How naked do you want me to be?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
