I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is not my ceiling
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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