I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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