That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
