How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am one with the molecules
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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