Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
