i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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