If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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