the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the liver wants what the liver wants
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
