I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
