Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
