and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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