I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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