so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
