he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
