no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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