I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize