you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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