Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
