I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
