If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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