Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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