yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
