its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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