Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
