Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
