now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
