sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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