idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
