i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
