This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
