i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
