Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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