if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
