i permit you to call me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
