Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just google imaged poop.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
