i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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