college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
