the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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