It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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