I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
