i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
