Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
