I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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