I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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