girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
