Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
