Even the bartender felt bad for me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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