DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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