Having a random hookup so left but love u
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
