dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
