I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
