If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
